I know why tigers eat their young

For some, night time is the right time.
For me, the morning solitude works just fine.


Every morning before work, I eat my breakfast at a small cafe.
It's my attempt to set the day off, the right way.

There I sit, morning coffee and yogurt. Guess what happens?

"Lady--hey lady". I look up; there's a "woman" right in my face. The woman in question is a lovely mix of tobacco and rancid ass, with a face I can only describe as a mix of Bella Abzug and Lynne Stewart--complete with facial hair. Yes, she was that close.

Anyway: Stinky was trying to get my attention because she wanted
my paper (the free crappy morning rags, Metro and such). Of course, I politely say "No, sorry--I'm reading both ".

"Reading both? How can you read both?"
"Sorry", I say and shrug my shoulders.

That's it, right?

NOPE!

She then decides to imitate what I just said, complete with shoulder shrug.

"Not gonna let me read your paper, Milwaukee?" (Yes--she called me "Milwaukee")

"Why?" -- please: haven't we established she's Crazy Von Stinky Woman. She, of course, sits right in back of me muttering under her breath with every other sentence ending in "Right, Milwaukee? Right, Milwaukee?"

This went on for 10 minutes; my good morning a distant memory.

Before I leave, I give her this parting shot:

"You know, for someone who smells as bad as you do, you could try being a little nicer. Oh--and you could try getting your own paper, too. It's free."

My morning wasn't so bad after all.