When you care enough to send the very best; when you don't send the cheap card

Once a week you run errands, pick up your prescriptions, tampons, Rolaids, candy, maybe the ''Road Songs" CD, (always loved "East Bound and Down" by Jerry Reed; I say buy it--make the bandit proud). But no matter what, I'm always drawn to the card aisle. For the love of God, how many cards are out there; how many occasions in one's life really needs a card? Does the amount of love you feel for someone really mean buying some $5.00 card with fancy script, hand cut silhouette, glitter or dried flowers ?

What happens when it's a friend, one of those "okay I need to buy this person a card, but emotionally I'm just not there". You probably check the price: let's see this is $3.99, but this card is $1.75 and it says enough. Maybe it's the friend who you never see anymore; the card you pick has some little squiggle drawing of a forlorn "Kathy"-type, (horrible cartoon strip, never funny). On the inside, "Happy Birthday--thinking of you", which really means, hey we don't see each other much, but see--I made an effort; I did my job. In those situations you never want to say too much; don't pick a blank card--you could run the risk of somehow offending. You never want to be mean when sending a card, or so I've been told. My idea of sensitivity is sending a diabetic who just had their big toe amputated a box of chocolates and a pair of flip flops.

The most fun are the relatives: the drunk uncle, the knocked up cousin, the distant mother or father, the stepbrother that inappropriately touched you when you were 12. My fave would be the niece that just got out of rehab. Little Miss Methmouth is now clean and sober and you want to show you care. Maybe a card with a watercolor painting of a bunch of boats (looks like a reproduction of one of those "starving artist" sale paintings). If someone really did paint this, they deserve to starve to death. The card itself would say "I know you feel adrift, but soon it will be smooth sailing". Translation: "stay off the ice, dimwit and maybe we might think Promises rehab and a good set of dentures was worth the money".

If you still feel unsure about buying a card, always remember: there's always the 99 Cent store.
Get a card with a kitten on it. Who doesn't love a good kitty?